In the game of Survivor, romance often takes a backseat to strategy and survival. But for some former castaways, love found its way post-show, igniting new narratives off the island. Enter Parvati Shallow, a legend of the game whose journey took a whirlwind turn after her time on the CBS series. Married to fellow contestant John Fincher from 2017 to 2021, Parvati recently tore open the curtain on their relationship in her heartfelt memoir, Nice Girls Don’t Win: How I Burned it All Down to Claim My Power.
Believe it or not, Parvati and John had never crossed paths during their stints on Survivor before fate threw them together in 2014. By then, she had made her mark on the series, winning in Micronesia in 2008 and finishing as a runner-up in Heroes vs. Villains two years later. John, on the other hand, was known for competing in Samoa in 2009, a season made infamous by the villainous Russell Hantz. Their meeting? A charity soccer tournament for Survivor alumni. From the moment they carpooled, sparks flew.
“Most Survivor contestants I’d met had me on a pedestal,” she reflects. “But not John; his self-assurance magnetized me.”
The chemistry was instant, leading to a blossoming romance. As Parvati met John’s family, she felt an anchor while grappling with her brother’s struggles with drug addiction. But not all was smooth sailing. A major red flag surfaced when John announced plans to leave his job as a rocket scientist to pursue an MBA at Columbia University. Though surprised, Parvati followed him to New York, leading to their engagement and wedding in July 2017.
A few months into their marriage, pregnancy brought new challenges. After welcoming their daughter, Ama, Parvati felt John’s commitment wane—his frequent surfing and skiing trips left her feeling alone. When she left to film Winners at War in 2019, she hoped he’d step up, especially after the intensity of filming.
“I’d returned from the grueling game physically, mentally, and emotionally taxed,” she said. “I thought my husband would understand… But I was wrong, and I was fuming.”
During the pandemic, feeling isolated, Parvati found unexpected connection with a man she dubbed “Lumberjack” on Instagram. Brief messages turned into a source of comfort, but everything unraveled when John discovered their conversations. This forced Parvati to confront her feelings more directly.
As tensions mounted over financial responsibilities and support, Parvati faced a pivotal moment. She recalled her upbringing in a commune led by a spiritual figure known as “Ma,” and began to draw parallels between her own life and her parents’ daring escape from the cult. It was a sobering reflection.
“When I thought about it, my relationship felt vaguely culty,” she wrote. Parvati’s profound realization led her to recognize that the controlling dynamics of her marriage were stifling her spirit.
Just as Parvati contemplated a way out, an unexpected twist struck—John’s diagnosis of Stage 4 colon cancer altered the narrative entirely. Suddenly, her role shifted to caregiver, rallying support for John in his fight. Yet, even as she stepped up, the clarity of her previous thoughts remained with her. In May 2021, she shared with him her desire to end the marriage but promised to stay by his side during treatment. But it wasn’t long before she took that final step. On August 21, 2021, after four years of marriage, Parvati filed for divorce.
“It was my anger over the particulars of our marriage that finally helped me break free,” she confessionally wrote. “If I stayed, I would never know love.” In leaving, she sought the possibility of genuine connection, regardless of the financial or emotional toll.
Parvati’s story doesn’t end there. In her memoir, she reflects on love’s many forms—from her on-and-off relationship with comedian May Martin to her resurgence in reality television with appearances on The Traitors, Deal or No Deal Island, and the upcoming season of Australian Survivor. Each step she takes fuels a narrative of resilience and rekindled freedom.
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